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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393409">Miss You Most at Christmas Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian'>xtremeroswellian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>12 Days of Christmas - Third Watch (2004) [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Third Watch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Christmas, F/M, Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:14:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,839</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cowritten with NYPDBosco.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maurice Bocorelli &amp; Faith Yokas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>12 Days of Christmas - Third Watch (2004) [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Miss You Most at Christmas Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Faith stared out the living room window of her apartment, her eyes sad and distant as she watched the lightly falling snow. Everyone else had gone to bed hours before, but she wasn't tired and she knew she wouldn't be sleeping again that night. Sighing softly, she glanced at the clock. It was just after Midnight and tomorrow was a big day--Christmas Day. And all day there would be obligations and requirements and tiring conversations with Fred's parents that she'd just as soon stay in bed during the festivities. But she'd spent too much time in bed recently. Taking in a breath, she slowly rose from the chair she was seated in and moved to the door, putting her coat on. What she needed was a walk in the cool air to help her clear her head. Maybe then everything would seem better.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Bosco rested his hands on the railing as he tried to catch his breath. He'd been unable to sleep, too much going through his mind, so he'd decided to come to the park for a late night run. It wasn't always the safest thing to do this late at night, but he was a cop. He'd be fine.</p><p>Standing up straight he gazed across the distance, and let out a breath. Sometimes the distance across the reservoir in Central Park seemed like it was so far and that nothing could get him to the other side. So he'd run and no matter where he stopped and looked the distance across the water still looked the same. He'd been running in circles for a long time and it was getting tiring.</p><p>***</p><p>Faith hadn't even been sure where she was going until she ended up in Central Park. The snow was still falling, and there was already some accumulation on the ground. She remembered how she used to wish every year for a white Christmas when she was younger and now as she had gotten older, she hated the cold weather. But tonight, hours before dawn on Christmas morning, the snow made her feel a sense of peace she hadn't felt for a very long time. She sat down on one of the benches.</p><p>Pushing away from the fence, Bosco turned and broke into a jog once more. The longer he stood there the more thoughts that ran through his head. He didn't like thinking about the past year, and every time he stood still for too long there was always something there, something to remind him of all the bad things that had happened. All the distance in his life. As he ran his feet crunched the small pebbles and snow, it was the only sound he heard other than the sound of his own breathing.</p><p>She heard a soft sound--footfall and she was instantly on guard. She regretted her decision to walk in Central Park by herself in the middle of the night, despite the fact she was a police officer. Many people--men and women were murdered in that park every year for being careless like she was and she tensed, sitting up to look around and attempt to spot the intruder.</p><p>He picked up his pace a little in order to feel the burn in his lungs and his legs. Exertion made him think only about what was happening right now, and when he ran it cleared his head of all other things. Looking up ahead he spotted someone sitting on a bench underneath a lamp post. The figure looked vaguely familiar from a distance and he slowed down a little, by the time he was within ten feet of the bench he was walking, his gaze fixed on her.<br/>The breath caught in her throat as the light began to illuminate his features. It had been a long time since she'd last saw him. Though he was no attacker, she was still tense, but now she was tense for a completely different reason.</p><p>Realizing who it was he came to a stop, and swallowed hard. Unsure of what to do or say he just stood there, staring.</p><p>She froze, staring back, her eyes wide as her heart pounded against her chest.</p><p>"What are you...It's late."</p><p>Nodding slightly, she couldn't pry her gaze off his face.</p><p>He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling slightly insecure for the moment. For a moment he looked away then shifted his gaze back to her.</p><p>"What are you doing out here?" Her voice was very quiet.</p><p>Bosco shrugged. "Needed to clear my head. You?"</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>"Does Fred know you're here?"</p><p>"No." She shook her head.</p><p>He nodded, adjusted the winter cap he was wearing then shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. Glancing down at the ground he kicked at a rock. "How'd ya get here?"</p><p>"Walked."</p><p>His eyebrows furrowed and he quickly looked up at her. "You...walked?"</p><p>Meeting his eyes, she slowly rose to her feet, realizing that he probably hadn't known she was walking again.</p><p>"Nobody told me," he whispered as he looked her up and down.</p><p>Hesitating a moment, she slid her hands into her coat pockets and slowly walked toward him.</p><p>For a fleeting second his mind told him to retreat, but he remained where he was. Pressing his lips together he nodded his head. "Look at you," he said softly.</p><p>"I'm still slower than normal, but...I'm gettin' there."</p><p>"Slower is better than the alternative."</p><p>"Yeah. It is." She drew in a breath, gazing at him silently.</p><p>"Nobody told me," he said again quietly.</p><p>Swallowing hard, a rush of guilt washed over her. "I know. I'm sorry," she whispered.</p><p>"No. I just meant...not even Monroe."</p><p>Closing her eyes briefly, she lowered her head.</p><p>"Two months, 27 days," he told her.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"The last time I saw you was two months and 27 days ago. Almost 28."</p><p>Biting her lower lip, she lifted her gaze to his face. "Bosco--"</p><p>He shook his head. "Don't. I get it."</p><p>"No, you don't," she whispered.</p><p>"Look, you don't have to explain. I've had a lot of time to think about it and..."</p><p>"Bosco, shut up for a minute." Her voice wasn't harsh, just soft.</p><p>He raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"I haven't had a chance to talk to youj. I know it's a bad excuse...but...with Fred..." She shook her head.</p><p>"He's your husband, Faith." He shrugged. "It happens."</p><p>Faith gazed at him. "I'm sorry."</p><p>"Me too," he whispered.</p><p>Her eyes were sad as they stood in the middle of the park, gazing at one another amidst the falling snowflakes.</p><p>He blew out a breath and watched as it formed a small white cloud, then drifted away a little before disappearing. "So...clearing your head, huh?"</p><p>"Trying. There's a lot to clear," she said softly, a faint smile on her lips.</p><p>A short chuckle escaped him. "No need to tell me. I totally understand."</p><p>"I can't believe it's Christmas already."</p><p>He nodded. "Yeah, dispite all the store displays it kinda snuck up on me."</p><p>"You got plans?" she asked softly.</p><p>"No. I think I might go to ma's later in the day, and I should probably go to church in the morning cause I skipped tonight, but..."</p><p>She nodded slightly, her eyes still sad.</p><p>"I just couldn't do it tonight, ya know?"</p><p>"I know," she whispered.</p><p>"What's your plans for tomorrow?"</p><p>Faith rolled her eyes. "Trying to survive the day with Fred's parents invading my apartment."</p><p>"Oh, what a lovely way to spend the holiday," he teased.</p><p>She smiled. "Yeah, I can't wait."</p><p>"What time does the fun start?"</p><p>"Eight'O' Clock on the dot. Though they'll probably get there by seven."</p><p>Bosco nodded his head and was quiet for a moment as he looked at her, still shocked to see her after all this time.</p><p>She held his gaze. "You wanna get some coffee?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah." She nodded.</p><p>"That'd be great," he told her softly.</p><p>Smiling faintly, she gazed at him.</p><p>"Should we uh...my place isn't very far."</p><p>"I'm sure there's some coffee shop still open around here somewhere. I mean, we are in the city that never sleeps."</p><p>"Yeah, I've definitely proved that to be true time and time again the last couple..." His voice trailed off.</p><p>She bit her lower lip.</p><p>"I've been workin' a lot," he told her. "You know and...well...jogging. A lot."</p><p>Nodding slightly, she walked beside him as they headed out of the park.</p><p>He watched her out of the corner of his eye, making sure to match his pace of walking with hers. After a few moments a smirk touched his lips. "I'd ask if we should take a cab, but I have this feeling you'd get pissed."</p><p>She turned her head to glance at him, smirking back. "Your feeling is correct."</p><p>"So...you're doin' pretty good, huh?"</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, I am."</p><p>"That's really good to hear."</p><p>Faith was silent for a few moments. "How's work?"</p><p>Bosco shrugged. "Same ol' thing day after day. Monroe can be kinda annoying."</p><p>"Yes, she can," she agreed without hesitation.</p><p>"She visited you, didn't she?" He asked.</p><p>"Way too often."</p><p>"What?" He grinned. "You didn't enjoy her company?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Like you said...she's kind of annoying."</p><p>"I'll tell her you said that," he joked.</p><p>"Anything to discourage her," she joked back.</p><p>He smiled. It had been a long time since he and Faith had talked like this. Actually it had been a long time since they'd talked at all. Even back before the incident in the hotel they hadn't really spoken to each other.</p><p>"So other than work...how's things going? How's your mom? How's Mikey?'</p><p>"You don't wanna know," he whispered.</p><p>She quickly turned to look at him. "What's wrong?"</p><p>Bosco swallowed hard. "Ma, she uh...got fired causa me."</p><p>Her eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean? What happened?"</p><p>"It's a long story, but this Nardo guy, Italian gangster. He and I kinda been buttin' heads lately. I got in a little trouble. Found out there were Joker Poker machines at the bar ma works at. Kinda lost my cool and..."</p><p>She raised her eyebrows. "And what?"</p><p>"I kinda busted up the machines."</p><p>Faith cringed. "And your mom got in trouble because you're her son."</p><p>He turned to look at her. "Some son, huh?"</p><p>"It sounds like this Nardo guy is trouble."</p><p>"Yeah. Bastard rigged up a camera and made it look like I was on the take."</p><p>Shaking her head, she let out a breath. "There anything I can do to help?" She didn't think about the words as she said them, they just came naturally.</p><p>"Nah. I think it's pretty much taken care of now. Well, except I need to find my mother a new job."</p><p>"I'm sure that won't take too long. Rose is very personable."</p><p>He chuckled. "Actually, right now Rose is very pissed."</p><p>Faith grinned. "I bet."</p><p>"Oh, and Mikey's doin' alright these days from what she says, but who knows what that means," he told her softly.</p><p>"I'm sure he's okay." Her voice was just as soft.</p><p>"Yeah," he whispered. They walked a little ways in silence. "How's Emily likin' that new school?"</p><p>"Okay, I guess. She misses her friends, but...I think it's better for her. I know I feel better."</p><p>"Bein' at school isn't about bein' with friends. She can be with them after school and on weekends," he commented.</p><p>A smile tugged at her lips. "Which is -exactly- what I told her."</p><p>"Apparently somebody rubbed off on me when we were partners."</p><p>"Apparently." She smiled, then nodded at a small cafe on the corner. "Looks like we're in luck."</p><p>"Good. I was gettin' cold," he informed her as he moved ahead of her and pulled the door open, allowing her to enter first.</p><p>"Thanks," she said softly, stepping into the nearly empty coffee house and glancing around. An elderly man sat at the counter, eating a piece of pie silently as the waitress on duty read the newspaper.</p><p>Bosco gave her a small nod before following her in. "This is kind of a cozy place." He brushed the snow off his jacket and took off his winter hat.</p><p>"Yeah. And warm." She slowly shrugged out of her winter coat and chose a booth in the back of the cafe.</p><p>"The usual?" He asked, hooking his thumb toward the counter as he offered to get their coffee.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks."</p><p>He made his way over to the register, and ordered their coffee as well as a large cookie for himself and a muffin for Faith. All the years they'd been stopping at coffee shops together he couldn't help but fall into the old routine.</p><p>She smiled, her eyes warm as he sat down across from her and set their food and beverages down.</p><p>After taking the cookie out of its plastic wrap he broke off a piece. "You look good," he told her very softly.</p><p>She glanced at him in surprise. "Thank you."</p><p>He nodded and gave her a small smile.</p><p>"You look pretty good yourself."</p><p>"Well who wouldn't with all the jogging I've been doing," he said lightly.</p><p>"I remember you used to jog a lot back in the Academy."</p><p>"Yeah. It was the only way I could deal with the stress. I wasn't always as calm and laid back as I am now," he joked.</p><p>She smiled, taking a sip of her coffee. "How are you doin'?" Her voice was very soft.</p><p>Bosco shrugged and picked up his coffee mug.</p><p>Faith gazed at him silently.</p><p>Trying to figure out what to say, how much to reveal, he stared down at the hot liquid before setting the mug back down without taking a drink. He crossed his arms and rested them on the table. "I'm still tryin' to get used to things."</p><p>"You mean...because of Cruz?" she whispered, barely audible.</p><p>"Partly. I don't know, Faith. There's just so many things, ya know?" He picked up his coffee and took a quick drink. "The ACU boys don't like me cause I rolled on Cruz without hesitation. Monroe's so by the book she can't loosen up and have any fun. I just..." Pressing his lips together he shook his head slightly then let out a humorless chuckle. "I miss my job."</p><p>Her eyes were sad and she lowered her gaze to the table. "I don't know if I'm comin' back," she whispered.</p><p>"You what?"</p><p>"I've just...been thinkin' and....I don't know if I can do it anymore."</p><p>"Physically?"</p><p>"No." She shook her head.</p><p>He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his short, untamed hair. "I'd understand if you didn't come back," he told her softly. "I mean, with everything that happened. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing there."</p><p>"Maybe you should think about doin' somethin' else."</p><p>"Come on, Faith. What on Earth could I possibly do?"</p><p>"I don't know." She looked up at him. "But you're smart."</p><p>"You're the only one besides my mother who ever thought that," he told her with a smile.</p><p>"Well, we're right."</p><p>He was quiet for a moment. "Whenever I think about doing something else I also just figure it'd be easier to stick it out until retirement."</p><p>"That's a long time from now," she pointed out.</p><p>Bosco broke off another piece of his cookie and popped it in his mouth. "What about you? Would you get to take disability?"</p><p>"It's an option." She drew in a breath and took a sip of her coffee.</p><p>"I can't picture you taking it though. If I try hard enough I could see you being something other than a cop, but I can't see you taking disability."</p><p>"Me either. Fred doesn't agree."</p><p>"Let me guess. He wants you to take the disability and be a stay at home wife and mom?"</p><p>"Got it in one. But you left part out."</p><p>His eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>"He wants to leave the city."</p><p>"What?" His voice was a lot louder than he intended and he cringed.</p><p>Faith quickly glanced up at him.</p><p>Swallowing hard he didn't meet her gaze.</p><p>"It's not what I want."</p><p>"Did you tell him that?"</p><p>"He's not really hearing me these days."</p><p>"If you were my wife, and this had happened, I'd not only be hearing you but I'd be bending over backward to give you -everything- you wanted." He shook his head and took a drink of coffee.</p><p>The breath caught in her throat at his words and she looked down at the table.</p><p>"How a guy could almost lose his wife and then..." He continued to shake his head. "I don't understand him lately."</p><p>She sighed softly. "He's just...scared. He doesn't want me takin' risks of any kind. If he knew I'd gone out by myself walking after dark..." She shook her head.</p><p>"Worse yet would be if he knew you'd gone out walk by yourself after dark and met up with -me-."</p><p>A wry smile touched her lips. "Touche."</p><p>"So...what are you gonna do?" He asked in a whisper.<br/>Faith rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm not sure," she admitted softly. "But I'm not gonna let him rush me into something, that's for sure."</p><p>"Do what's right for you," he told her softly. "You deserve to be happy."</p><p>"I've made a lot of mistakes," she said just as quietly.</p><p>"We all have," he reminded her.</p><p>She nodded slightly. "Yeah."</p><p>"You just gotta...you gotta look at the picture, the situation as a whole," he told her as he stared down at his coffee. "You've gotta play out all the possibilities. Check into all your options."</p><p>"Boz." Her voice was soft.</p><p>"Why the hell did I have to learn that the hard way?"</p><p>She bit her lower lip and reached across the table to cover his hand with her own.</p><p>Surprised by the contact he flinched slightly, but didn't pull his hand away.</p><p>"We all learned the hard way. It's part of life," she whispered.</p><p>"Not like this, Faith. It's not supposed to be like this." He shook his head, still look down at the table. "One stupid decision isn't supposed to snowball into lots of stupid decisions and then end up getting the only person you really trust, the only person you care about shot."</p><p>She closed her eyes for a moment, then slowly stood up and moved to sit beside him in the booth. Wordlessly she slid her arms around his waist.</p><p>"Don't," he whispered. "I don't deserve that."</p><p>"Shhh." She hugged him a little tighter.</p><p>He closed his eyes tight and swallowed hard before leaning against her and resting his arm over hers.</p><p>"I'm okay," she whispered.</p><p>"Are you?" He whispered back.</p><p>"Yes." She pulled away just enough to look at him.</p><p>"It's so good to see you," he murmured.</p><p>A soft smile touched her lips. "Ditto."</p><p>He managed a small smile in return and nodded his head.</p><p>The little bell above the door jingled and she turned to look, her eyes widening a little as she saw the light beginning to dawn outside. "What time is it?"</p><p>Bosco glanced at his watch. "Damn, it's 6:30."</p><p>Sighing softly, she looked at him. "I need to get home before Fred and the kids get up."</p><p>"Yeah." He nodded. "You should probably take a cab. It'd be faster."</p><p>Faith was silent for a moment. "What are you doin' tonight? Say around 11?"</p><p>"I'm usually joggin," he told her with a smile.</p><p>"You think you might wanna..."</p><p>"Wanna...?"</p><p>"Meet me here?" she whispered.</p><p>His eyes widened slightly, and then he nodded his head. "Yeah."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"We got a lot of catchin' up to do. You know, if you want."</p><p>"I do," she said softly.</p><p>He nodded toward the door. "I'll walk you out."</p><p>"I'd like that." She smiled faintly, then rose to her feet, heading for the door with him right behind her. She turned to face him once they were outside. "Merry Christmas, Bosco," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist once more.</p><p>This time he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. "Merry Christmas," he murmured, closing his eyes. After a moment he let out a breath and chuckled softly.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Do you see where we are?" He asked.</p><p>Her eyebrows furrowed and she pulled away a little. "Uh...outside of an all night cafe?"</p><p>He pointed at the street sign. "We're half way between your apartment and mine."</p><p>She looked to where he was pointing, falling silent before shifting her gaze back to him once more.</p><p>"Tonight I took a rest on my run and I looked out over the water, and I just kept thinking about how far across it was and how no matter where I stopped on my run it didn't seem like I was getting anywhere. I just kept going around and around by myself. And then tonight..."</p><p>Holding her breath, she waited for him to continue.</p><p>"There you were. You met me in the middle."</p><p>Letting out the breath, her eyes softened. "It's how we always do things."</p><p>"It was just a matter of time I guess."</p><p>Hesitating a moment, she kissed his forehead. "I'll see you tonight."</p><p>He smiled. "Don't be late. You know I hate when you're late," he teased.</p><p>She chuckled. "Yeah, you just worry about takin' your own advice."</p><p>"You'll be surprised, Faith, once you realize I've learned some new tricks the last few months. One of 'em happens to be being on time."</p><p>She smiled at him. "Good to hear."</p><p>"Have a good day," he told her softly. "Hope you survive the in-laws."</p><p>"Me too." She smirked. "If I need bail money, I'll call you."</p><p>"Even if you don't need bail money you can call me."</p><p>"And I probably will, just to keep sane while the Yokas' are trying to suck the life out of me."</p><p>A wide smile spread across his face. It was so good to have her back, and to fall into their playful banter, something he'd been afraid would never happen.</p><p>"So I'll talk to you soon and see you tonight." She met his smile with one of her own.</p><p>"I look forward to it," he told her, his voice serious.</p><p>"So do I." She held his gaze.</p><p>"If you get a chance tell the kids I said hello."</p><p>"I will," she promised softly. "Tell your mother I said hello, too. And Mikey, if you see him."</p><p>"You know...I think I might try and give him a call. Today seems pretty promising."</p><p>Faith smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, it does. Merry Christmas, Bosco."</p><p>"Merry Christmas," he whispered. He watched as she got into the cab that had pulled up to the curb. As the vehicle drove away he waved goodbye to Faith and watched until she was out of sight. Then putting on his stocking cap he turned and started walking toward his apartment. There was no need to run anymore, his head was clearer than it had been in months.</p>
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